Jeans

No matter how stores try to candy coat it, there is a certain stigma around the plus size section of stores.  They can call it curvy or misses or whatever, but we all know what it is.  There is an imaginary line in the middle of the store where no one wants to cross.  At least that's how I feel about it.  I'm sure the girls on the "regular" side could careless, or the workers for that matter, but I always feel self conscious when shopping on the side of the store.  Sure, you get used to it and laugh when you're with your skinny friends and say "I'll be over on the big girl side" and saunter on your way to the plus size section.  While you began to search through the racks on your side, you secretly long to be on the other side of the store, where there is double, sometimes triple the selection of clothes.  You find something, take it back to the dressing room to try it on.  It doesn't look right, it's too tight, it's not what you thought it would be.  It leads to an emotional come apart in the dressing room and you vow to never it chocolate or shop ever again.  Until the next time.  Then the whole cycle starts over again.

This was the case for me at least.  And while I loved shopping, I hated it at the same time.  I loved to look at the pretty clothes, but I hated that I couldn't fit my fat butt in them.  It was torture to go to the mall.  Name a store, I have probably cried in their dressing room.

You guys know I have recently lost 32.5 pounds, and I'm determined to lose 40 by May 11.  I have noticed several changes in my body, but one thing that hadn't changed was my pants.  I was still wearing my same pants from when I was 32.5 pounds heavier.  I told people it was because I just didn't want to spend the money on a new pair when I was planning on losing so much more, which in theory is true, but in reality it was because I was scared.  What if I went in and tried on a pair of smaller pants and they didn't fit?  What if I had just lost one size?  I felt all this pressure, which lead to discouragement. 

After we were allowed to wear jeans to work all week, and I didn't even have enough that fit even a little bit to make it through five days, and all of my coworkers telling me about my saggy pants, I decided to venture off to purchase new denim last night. 

I walked in Maurice's and immediately went to my plus side of the store.  I grabbed a couple of pairs of jean.  Then I got adventures, I walked to the "regular" side of the store.  I felt like a rebel, like I was doing something I wasn't supposed to be doing.  I noticed a pair for $14.98.  I grabbed the two largest sizes that I could and ran off to the dressing room before anyone caught me where I wasn't supposed to be.  Since I was feeling adventurous, I tried on the smallest pair first.

I stepped in and pulled them up.  They went over my thighs.  They went over my hips.  I took a deep breath and went to button them.  The button with ease.  I pulled the zipper up, knowing it wouldn't make it to the top, but it did!  I walked out to look at myself in the 360 degree mirror.  They worker came up to me and asked me how it was working.  I told her they were too tight and I needed to put on the bigger size.  She looked at me like I was nuts, told me they fit fine.  She took the bigger pair away from me!  I had no choice in the matter.   Here I was, standing in the dressing room at Maurice's in a pair of pants from the regular side of the store!  Me!  The plus size girl, in a regular size pair of pants.  And, they weren't the biggest pair on that side of the store!  They still make them bigger.  I was not in the bigger size.

Tears came to my eyes and spilled down my face.  Here I was, having another come apart in the Maurice's dressing.  But this time, it was not a bad thing.  It was the most amazing shopping trip I have ever been on. 

Hard work pays off.  Good things do not come to those who wait, could things come to those that get up and get going.

-Signed
Megan,
Single, Fabulous, and getting skinner :)