Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Let's get some things straight

First thing's first, don't think I will type something every day, I won't.

Secondly, apparently some folks think I am not happy.  That is totally not the case.  I know I did at one point in my post last night refer to this point in my life as a "season of sadness".  I did not mean necessarily mean I am sad and you should feel sorry for me (or offer up your advice on finding a man). 

This year has sucked.  And it has nothing to do with a man.

I am content as I am.  It took me 30 years to like myself and the person I am and I will not start feeling sorry for myself again. 

Yes, there are times it would be nice to have a man.  It would be nice to have a relationship, someone to spend time with, and someone to share life with.  However, I know what I want.  I know what I don't.  And I know what I will not settle for.

I will not settle for less than what I want or less than what I deserve.  I would rather be alone and unhappy than in a relationship and miserable. 

I hate to see friends (and even people I don't consider friends) jumping from relationship to relationship.  In my humble opinion that is a weak person.  I know that isn't a popular opinion (and one that might offend someone reading this. Sorry not sorry), but I believe this.

I spend a lot of years jumping in and out of relationships in my early 20's.  I dated a lot as well.  The seasons of singleness where the times I grew and learned about myself.  Those are the times I found out who I was and what I wanted.

So please, dear friends, strangers and whoever you are.... please don't feel sorry for me.  Please do not think I am a sad, hopeless, single girl. 

I am a happy, well adjusted, slightly crazy, single girl.

Tuesday, December 20, 2016

Hello, It's me!

Hey!  Remember me?  It's just been a year or two.  I guess I felt like I ran out of things to say.  Or maybe I thought I wasn't interesting.  Then I realized tonight, I missed typing my feelings for the world (or the three people that read my thoughts).

Let's see, what has happened....

Nothing interesting I'm sure.

I'm 30, that's new.

I'm single, that's not.

I'm brunette again, but I guess the blog word didn't see the blonde. 

I gained all the weight I lost back, so there's that.

I have been struggling lately, with just about everything.  Mostly, I am on the single struggle bus.  I have a bus pass and keep chugging along.

I guess at this time of year it gets worse; everyone is getting engaged, announcing the are expecting, or starting new relationships.  And while I can rejoice with my friends in their seasons of happiness, I can't help but mourn my season of sadness.  Sometimes the season seems to drag on.

I guess what gets me so down is watching people go from relationship to relationship, man to man, woman to woman, and I'm still here.. Still alone.  Friends of mine are on their second and third marriages, and I can't get a third date.  (Disclaimer, I want my first marriage to be my only marriage)

I have a lot to offer.  Or at least I think I do.  I also have some strong convictions that a man will not change.

I see these people saying I love you after 5 minutes, moving in together after a few weeks, introducing their significant other to their children after a few dates.  I just can't.  I can't.  How can you know a person well enough for all of that after a few weeks?

Maybe that's why I am 30 and single. 

Maybe that's not what a man is looking for.

Maybe being a woman who knows what she wants isn't desirable. 

I'm not sure.  However, I know that I will not change this for anyone.

Also, a problem I have run into is the lack of interesting men.  I'm not sure if it's my location that is suffering from lack of men or if it is a world wide epidemic.  I hope to find out soon.

In the mean time, I'll be here, living and loving and struggling on.