Have you ever had the air knocked out of you?
I remember when I was in elementary school we had this jungle gym type of structure that was shaped like a school bus. You could climb in through a hole to look like a door and crawl your way to the back and slide down a pole. There were all sorts of beams and the more coordinated children would do flips off of the poles. I was not one of the more coordinated children, but one day I decided I wanted to flip over the bar. I sat on it, dangled upside down, and let go. Instead of gracefully landing on my feet like everyone else, I landed flat on my back. I had the breath knocked out of me. Being a small child, this freaked me out.
Years later as a teenager, I decided to try to perform the same tasks off of a porch swing. To the same result, I landed on my back finding it hard to breathe.
Today, I feel much of the same sensation. The air is knocked out of me and it's hard to breathe.
I guess it's sad that I'm dang near thirty and I'm just now experiencing heartbreak for the very first time. I thought I had been in love before, apparently I was wrong. Or maybe it gets worse with age. Who knows? All I know that this is something I have never felt before and quite honestly would never like to feel again.
I have cried my fair share over breakups, but this is a whole different animal.
I'm not sure how people cope, I'm apparently doing a crappy job at it.
I can't let go, I'm afraid that once I do, I will never be able to get him back. I'm quite sure I never will anyway.
All and all, this sucks.
How am I supposed to pretend like I'm ok with this?