Sunday, July 31, 2011

Waiting To Be Rescued

I think we as woman learn patterns at a young age.  We watch all these fairy tales growing up and think that our lives should be a certain way.  Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, Cinderella, Rapunzel, Fiona (from Shrek)--they are all waiting to be rescued.  They sit around and wait for someone to come to them and get them out of whatever horrible situation that they are in.  Now, Sleeping Beauty and Snow White have their own special circumstances, being asleep and all, but the other three could have come up with something.  Cinderella had to depend on her Fairy God Mother and Prince Charming  to rescue her from her Wicked Step Mother and evil Stepsisters.  And Rapunzel, if the guy braided her hair and climbed down, why couldn't she.  Fiona was in a tower waiting for "true love's first kiss" to break a spell.  They all are depending on men (or Fairy God Mothers) to save them.

Women watch these Disney classics growing up and think this is how life is supposed to be.  You sit around and think there will be someone to come along and make everything better.  We wait for a Fairy God Mother to show up with her magic wand and turn is in to beautiful princesses.  We don't think we can do it alone.  So we turn to beauty magazines, hair stylist and make-up artist to transform us into a "better" image of ourselves.  We sit around and wait for a man to provide for us, to love us, to care for us and to rescue us from the single status.  

We romanticize love and relationships and love into this one big fairy tale where everyone lives happily ever after.  We get so wrapped up in the happily ever after we don't realize our knight in shining armor is just a loser in aluminum foil.  I'm tired of waiting to be rescued.  I'm sure my Prince is out there, he's just lost and refuses to ask for directions.  But why stay locked up in a tower waiting for him to come to me?  I think we should start a new breed of fairy tales, not ones where the girl sits back and waits, but where she takes action and maybe does a little rescuing of her own.

Saturday, July 30, 2011

So Are You A Fly Strip For Dysfunctional Men?



I think back to the Fourth of July weekend of this year.  Allison and I went to the lake with Britni and her family.  As we were living Greers Ferry we stopped at Large Mouth Pizza.  Almost right about the table we were sitting at was fly paper.  You know the sticky strip of paper flies get caught in?  I now know more than I probably should about them fly paper.  You pull this sticky paper out of a little canister and it hangs from the ceiling.  There this sticky stuff that will stay sticky despite exposure to the air and whatnot.  There's this stuff on there that attracts the flies and once they touch they paper, they're stuck.  There's also poison on the strip that kills the fly, but that doesn't really work for the analogy I'm about to use. 

I'm not really sure how I find the guys I do.  But if they have a tick, bad habit, disorder, something like that I will find them, or well they will find me.  Apparently I'm like fly paper.  I apparently attract the fly of men.  There has been the jerk, the unattached, the too attached, the over eager, the under impressed, the unimpressive, the just don't get the hint, the liar, the cheater, and the picky eater.

I have been set up on blind dates with cousins, friends, brother-in-laws.  I have met guys when I've been out.  I have met guys at church.  Is there any place to met a normal, sensible man.  Or I am the fly paper to dysfunctional men?

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Did You Have To Ruin Country Music?

"Jack and Diane" painted a picture of my life and my dreams
Suddenly this crazy world made more sense to me
Well I heard it today and I couldn't help but sing along
Cause every time I hear that song
I go back to a two ton short-bed Chevy

Drivin' my first love out to the levy

Livin' life with no sense of time
One of my favorite songs is Kenny Chesney's "I Go Back".  For those of you that aren't frequent country music fans, the song is basically about how there's songs that remind you of a certain place and time in your life.  I know I have those songs.  I'm pretty sure you do too.  Some of those memories are good, some not so much.

Like Tiny Dancer by Elton John.:  I heard this song on the way home from work today.  It made me smile.  This song reminds me of my senior year of high school.  I think about my friend Dedra, who didn't know the words to this song at all.  I remember three of us, at the Valentine's Dance, with the microphone singing "Hold Me Closer Tony Danza".  Good memories.

Or Strawberry Wine.  I remember listening to the song being 13 years old.  I was working at the concession stand at the ball park with my mom and my friend.  I had my first major brush on a guy.  He was a couple years older than I am and I probably crushed on him for 2 or more years.  When I head this song it reminds me of being young and carefree.


As Long As You Love Me by the Backstreet Boys takes me back to sleep overs with my best friend.  We would have a Backstreet Boys tape playing sometimes when we played Barbies.  We would sing their songs in parts (I'd sing Nick, she'd sing Brian).  We would watch their videos over and over again.  I'm not sure she knows, but I think of her when I hear most BSB songs (and shamefully I listen to them a lot).

Knee Deep by Zac Brown Band.  This song just makes me smile.  It makes me think about being at the beach with my friend.  Not a care in a world.  One of the best times of my life.


Not every song as a good memory attached to it though.  Some songs make me sick to my stomach.


I Love Your Love the Most by Eric Church was one of my favorite songs.  When I saw him in concert with my then boyfriend.  When the NASCAR race line came on the boyfriend's face lit up.  Now when that song comes on (or any country song about a NASCAR race) it just makes me think about him and how badly that went.


Big Green Tractor by Jason Aldean is another one. Today was actually the first time in almost a year that I listened to that stupid song from beginning to end.  I went through a point where I all but broke the button to change the channel when it came on the radio.  This song was my ringtone for a boyfriend.  So naturally when that stupid songs comes on, it makes me mad.

Who Are You When I'm Not Looking by Blake Shelton.  Grrrrrrrrrrrr.....  This sappy, stupid, silly, corny, crappy song gets on my nerves a little bit.  Now, granted there was a time that I enjoyed this song.  That was when it was "our song".  Now it's just another song.  I don't like it.  Oddly enough I can still listen to the Joe Nichols version.

I love music.  I love the connection I feel to music when I hear it.  However I do not like the fact that men had to go an ruin most country music for me.


Sometimes I can't help but wonder if they hear a song on the radio and thing about me.  Secretly I hope, maybe I may have ruined a song or time for them. :)

Monday, July 25, 2011

Two Great Loves and Lots of Shoes

Disclaimer:  These are not my shoes

While watching my favorite show, Sex and the City, the question came up about great loves and how many you have.  The general answer is two.  When Carrie realized she had her two great loves, Big and Aidan, she thought she needed to stop.  "Here Lies Carrie, She Had Two Great Loves and Lots Of Shoes".

Like I said before I've been in three "serious" relationships (I say "serious" because I'm not sure how "serious" they were about me).  I am not sure if any one of those would be one of  my two great loves.  Although there's a slight possibility one might have been.  I'm not sure when you realize someone is a great love.  Is it the same for everybody or does an individual make their own rules.  Do you get butterflies?  Does a great love make you giddy?  Do your knees get weak?  Your palms sweat?  Or is everything normal?  How long does it take for you to know it's great love?  Do you know after a month, six months, a year, two years? I have had butterflies.  I've been giddy.  My knees have been weak.  It had been short lived.  Does that mean it couldn't be a great love?  Man, this whole thing is confusing.

 I like the simple things in life, like shoes.  I love my shoes.  I know how I feel about my shoes.  I can count on my shoes.  My shoes have always been there for me when I need them.  I don't have to question the way I feel about them.  When I bring a shoe into my life I know I can depend on it.  It goes into my closet, where it belongs and stays there until I need it.  When I need that shoe, it's there (now sometimes there is some digging involved to find it, some shoes are so shy).  My shoes do not get jealous of each other.  My sliver Toms don't tell me I'm spending too much time with my flip flops.  Forget the crazy cat lady, I believe I will be the crazy shoe lady.

"Here Lies Megan.  Confused About Great Love but Had Lots Of Shoes".

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Excuse Me. Where Is Your Instruction Manual?

When you purchase new electronics--cell phones, iPods, TV, Game Systems, even Cars--you get an instruction manual.  It will tell you how to turn it on, how to shut it off, what this or that button does, and what it means when certain lights come on or symbols pop up.  Granted, I don't look at an instructional manual until something goes wrong or I see those little symbols that I have no idea what it means, but they are handy to have around.  Like when my Wii wouldn't turn on.  I went to the booklet that came with it, solved the problem and went on with my life.  Or when this little symbol popped up on the Altima, I got my book out, saw went it meant fixed the problem, symbol went away.

This makes me wonder why men don't come with instruction manuals.

Think about ladies, how much easier would life be if you had a little book that told you what every grunt, sigh, hand gesture, look, text message and action meant.  With the world the way it is today most communication doesn't occur face-to-face anymore.  You hardly even have voice-to-voice communication anymore.  Most conversations between people my age occur through text messages and the Internet chat.  Without being able to see body language or even hear the tone in their voice, it's hard to tell what the other party means.

  Men are always telling me that women are so hard to understand.  And I know that we can be complicated, but I've come to find out men are just as bad, if not worse than we are.  Maybe they are so hard to understand because society doesn't make them out to be.  Men are supposed to be simple.  Women are supposed to be difficult, the complicated ones.  We are the ones that have hidden agendas and have hidden messages in what we say.  Some men are straight forward, mostly the ones you don't want to be with, not the ones you want to take home to mom.

There's another type of guy--The ones that don't mean what they say or say what they mean.  Dumb-bunny me thinks "Let's hang out soon" means just that, "I like your company and want to see you soon".  Apparently it means "I'm going to be evasive and not answer your text for 3 weeks, but then pop up like everything is fine, but then disappear again".  See, if he had a instruction manual I wouldn't have sent those text that went unanswered.  Then there's "I don't want to talk you".  Ok, that's straightforward enough, right?  Wrong!  Apparently this one meant, "I don't want to talk today, but next week I'll start chatting on Facebook, then send you random text everyday to play with your mind".  I'm still trying to decide if this means, I'm going to stop talking to you later again, or let's be friend, or I like to make you miserable.  How are we supposed to know if not answering a text means "I'm playing hard to get and trying to make you think I'm busy" or "I really just don't want to talk to you". It gets really annoying trying to figure out what the meaning behind every word, action, or text is.

I guess I either need to let go of the need comprehend everything or find a man that comes with instructions.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

It Could Be Worse.

Reasons To Be Single.

  • Freedom.  When it's just you, you can do what you want.  If you want to pack up and go to New York City, great.  You always dreamed of being a cowboy, move out west.  You want to move to Florida, buy that little silver building and open a karaoke bar, start saving your money.  The world is your oyster.  You have no other person telling you what to do with your money and time.  You have no one else to worry about.
  • Control of the Remote.  I am not sure why men think it's their right to have the remote control in their hand.  My dad always controlled the remote at home.  The guys I have dated think they control it to, even at my house.  If I want to watch Sex and the City, I can do so without listening to the whining from a man.  If I want to watch Glee on Tuesday, I don't have to listen to someone telling me how stupid it is.  I do not want to watch baseball, it's boring.  I do not want to watch basketball, I hate it.  I do not want to watch Westerns, although it's perfect nap time.  Being single, I don't have to act like I enjoy those things.
  • I'm Just Me.  When you start getting serious with someone, you lose your own identity.  You are no longer "Megan".  You become "Megan and .....".  It's not "oh where's Megan?", it's "where's Megan and .......".  When I was dating Shannon, some people actually didn't even refer to me as Megan.  I was "Shannon's girlfriend".  Really?  You also become "we" and not I.  You have no opinion of your own.  "We haven't seen that movie", "we don't like that Chinese food".  "We will be late"..  Being single I have my own identity and my own opinions. It's all about me, "I haven't seen that movie."  "I love Chinese food."  "I am on my way!" 
  • Flirting.  Flirting is fun.  When you go to dinner and you see that guy in the corner looking at you and smiling it makes you feel good.  Smiling at the stranger at the next gas pump is fun.  If you're tied down, it's probably not a good idea to flirt with that guy sitting at the next table.
  • My Money Is Mine!  "Do you really need another pair of shoes?"  Why, yes!  Yes I do!  Who cares if I have 80 other pairs, I need those!  I can buy what I want, when I want.  If I want to buy shoes I can.  If I want to have a drink with dinner, I can.  I don't have to listen to "water is free".
  • You Can Have Friends.  Every boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband will say "go ahead" when you ask if they care if you go out with your friends.  But we all know we'll get about 50 text and 10 calls asking what you are doing, where you are at and who is all there.  I actually believe one of my boyfriends was jealous of the time I spent with my best friend.  Now that I'm single my friend and I can go to as many concerts, trips, and shopping sprees as we want and not be bothered by my phone going off every ten minutes.
  • Nobody gets hurt.  Let's face it, (hopefully) only one of your relationships will end in marriage, the rest will end up with somebody hurt.  It may be you, or it may be the other person, or maybe both of you.  When people get married they say it's worth it when you find the one you're supposed to be with.  Being single, my biggest heartache is when Gearhead doesn't have the Toms I want in my size, and I can always order online.  
  • You Find Out Who You Are.  I almost feel sorry for those girls that got married straight out of high school.  Who knows who the are at 18?  I am a completely different person than I was in high school.  When you're single you have all the time in the world to discover who you are.  You get to know who you are on your own.  There is no other person to tell you who they want to be.  If you want to take up painting, you can paint.  You can paint all day.  You can read about painting.  Go to museums and look at paintings.  Go to an art class.  You can be the person you want to.
There are downfalls to being single.  It is nice to have someone there when you need them.  It's nice to have a hand to hold.  I do miss having someone there, but while I'm on this journey of singlehood, I may as well enjoy the ride!

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Things I've Learned From Sex and the City


I was a little young (and we couldn't afford HBO) when Sex and the City came on TV.  I remember going into After Thoughts at the Indian Mall when I was around 13 and seeing a bunch of stuff that said "I'm a Carrie" or "I'm a Samantha".  I had no idea what that meant then, but thanks to TV on DVD and reruns on TBS (and two movies) I know exactly what it all means now.

While some would argue that Sex and the City is trash and the women are overindulgent and promiscuous (and that may be a little true), I still think women can learn a lot from the lives of Carrie, Samantha, Miranda, and Charlotte.  Here are some things I have learned from Sex and the City.

  • There are worse things in life than being single.  Let's look at Samantha Jones shall we.  In Sex and the City 2 Samantha is 52 years old and not married.  She is successful and knows how to get what she wants.  Who cares if she doesn't have a ring on her finger.  She rocks.
  • Things aren't always what the seem.  On to Charlotte.  Charlotte, like Samantha, knew what she wanted.  Unlike Samantha she wanted to get married and have children.  When she found Trey she knew he would be the perfect husband, until they get in the bedroom.  Let's just say there were issues there (and you know to have children you don't need issues in the bedroom).  They eventually separate because of the issues.  They get back together and once they find out Charlotte is highly unlikely to get pregnant and Trey decides he may not be ready for kids, the separate for good.  Not so perfect after all.
  • It takes half the time you were dating somebody to get over them.  According to Charlotte if you dated a guy for a month, you can grieve over the break up for two weeks, if you dated 3 months it you should be upset for a month and half.  This is a rule I attempt to follow
  • Don't stop thinking about him even for a moment, cause that's the moment he will appear (break up rule #4).  He may not appear, but he will text or call or something goofy.  After Carrie and Big break up at the end of Season 1, the first episode of Season 2 is when Carrie is trying to bounce back.  She is dating "The New Yankee".  While having fun at a bar with "The New Yankee" Carrie sees Big and is immediately reminded of the heartbreak.  Yeah, we've all been there.
  • If your single, it's ok to treat yourself.  When a friend shames Carrie for spending so much money on shoes, she points out that once you graduate college, if your single there is nothing to celebrate you.  "Hallmark doesn't make a 'congratulations you didn't marry the wrong guy" card and you don't get flatware for going on vacation alone".  Carrie also reminds you that it's hard to walk in a single woman's shoes that's why they need really special shoes every once in a while to make the walk more special.
  • Don't settle for less than butterflies.  Carrie is on a quest to find love and will not settle for anything less than butterflies.  She often says she's not the kind to get married and raise a family.  Which is something I think she says because she doesn't feel like she'll find the person to marry.  Or well, that the person she loves, Big, doesn't want to marry her.  She knew he gave her butterflies and while she dated others (Aidan) she never gave up.  I'm a huge Aidan fan but like Charlotte, I always knew Big and Carrie would end up together (even after the 17 break ups and the him standing her up on their wedding day). 
  • Sometimes it's better to be alone than faking it.  There's no need to fake a relationship, that leads nowhere, someone ends up hurt, not pretty.
  • Shopping is always possible, even with broken bones.  Carrie and Samantha go shopping while Samantha has a broken toe.  Samantha says he toe hurts.  Carrie asks her why they are shopping if it hurts so bad.  Samantha responds "I have a broken toe not a broken spirit."
  • You're never too old for sparkles.  While Samantha is shopping for a dress for Smith Jerrod's premier, she finds the "perfect dress".  When the saleslady asks her if she thinks it's "too young", Samantha tells her that she is "Fifty-f---ing two" years old, and yes she will wear what she wants.
  • Take your vitamins and wear your Spanx.  In Sex and the City 2, Samantha tells the girls she's tricked her body into thinking it's younger by taking two handfuls of vitamins.  Miranda tells the girls she's tricked her body into thinking it's thinner by wearing Spanx.
  • No matter how many men come and go you can count on your friends.  Samantha said it best "We made a deal years ago.  Men, babies, it doesn't matter we're soul mates".  No matter what happens, you're friends will always be there when the jerks break your heart.
There you have it. The lessons I've learned from the Sex and the City girls.  They have truly taught me how to be Single and Fabulous.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Something Ugly People Say....

Sometimes I look in the mirror and I actually like what I see.  Sometimes I don't.  I'm very aware that I'm not the "pretty girl".  I'm not sure if I ever will be.  I've come to terms with it and I'm ok with that.  I do like to think I make up for my looks with humor and a good personality.

I am, honestly, a firm believer in "looks aren't everything".  I do think personality is where it's at.  Somebody told me, not to long ago, "the people who say looks aren't everything are just ugly people trying to make themselves feel better".  Ouch....that was hurtful.

There are guys that I would call "hot".  However, in most cases (well, all but one case that I've come across), those "hot" guys are idiots.  One of the most attractive men I know has the personality of a rock.  I think it would be more fun to watch grass grow than going on a date with.  Yes, he's fun to look at but I'm sure my eyes would get tired after a while.

I have had 3 "serious" relationships.   Yes there has been a physical attraction.  However, I will be the first to tell you that is not why I dated them. None of them were Brad Pitt but I enjoyed being around them.  I had fun with them. The last two guys I dated we're great.  They were funny, nice and time with them was enjoyable, but you wouldn't find them on Peoples Most Beautiful people list.  That was ok with me.

If I feel that way.  Why is it that I still feel the need to be insecure about the way I look?  If I can see passed mullets, bald spots and a bad wardrobes why shouldn't I look for someone that can accept my flaws and see all the good in me?  Sometimes it's hard being the "fat" girl or the "average" girl.  Especially when you're surrounded by "pretty" girls all your life.  But I don't want to be defined by the way I look.  I'm a pretty awesome person.  I'm funny, I'm smart, I can carry on a conversation with just about anyone.  I would rather have someone be attracted to me for what I am not what I look like.

And if you think that's just something "ugly people say to make themselves feel better", oh well.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

For The Record, This Has Nothing To Do With Cooking

*All the names and locations have be changed to protect the innocent, mainly me.

I am a college educated, 25 year old woman. Ask me the difference between a homograph and a homophone and I can tell you.  Ask my advice on what classroom management method I prefer and I can give you my answer.  Ask me advice on dating and men, I have nothing.  Take a trip with me on my journey of singlehood and my attempt to be Single and Fabulous!.