Sunday, November 18, 2012

Taking Applications

Friday, some insurance people came to work.  Like all insurance people they started asking 1,000,000 personal questions.  I was feeling feisty Friday so I thought I'd have some fun.  The conversation went something like this:

Guy:  Ms. McWayne are you married?
Me:  No, and Mrs. McWayne was my grandmother.
Guy:  Do you have any children?
Me:  I have 18 down in my classroom.  I get to spend all day with them and send them home to their moms that have to cook for them, make sure they take a bath and put them to bed.  I have no children of my home and I'm perfectly content to keep it that way.
Guy:  (Nervous Laugh)  Do you ever plan to have children?
Me:  Well, first I have to find a man to put a ring on this finger here, and then we can discuss children.  But, I'm a little hard to handle and no one has been up to the challenge yet, so we may never discuss children.  I am, however, always looking for the man, so you can send one my way if you know any.

Upon reflecting back to this conversation, two things have come to my attention.  1. Maybe I should just be polite and short with my answers and 2.  I was correct, I am hard to handle.  So, in true Megan fashion, I have decided to post a blog with a list.  These are the things one must be able to handle when taking on the challenge of dating me.

1.  I have a sarcastic and odd sense of humor.  I enjoy laughing.  I laugh a lot and I laugh loud.  A lot of times I laugh at inappropriate times.
2.  I shop, a lot.  I know I have a problem, therefore I do not need someone to point it out.
3.  I have a lot of shoes, so I will need someone that will be willing to build me a big closet, like Big does for Carrie in Sex and The City.
4.  I love to sing.  I sing with the radio, I sing in Wal-Mart, I sing sometimes when there is no music.  I can't sing.  I am aware of this, too.
5.  I like to go out and have fun.  I need you to want to do the same thing.
6.  PDA drives me crazy, however hand holding is acceptable.
7.  Karaoke skills are a must.
8.  I would prefer someone with a sense of style.  I mean, just because I can dress myself doesn't mean I want to dress you.
9.  I like to watch and play tennis.
10.  I feel it is acceptable to listen to Christmas music anytime I want.
11.  My first love will always be Nick Carter from the Backstreet Boys, and I am not certain that anyone will hold a candle to him.
12.  I enjoy taking pictures and lots of them.
13.  I like to go to musicals and would like a man to accompany me.
14.  I like my dog, I probably will not like yours.
15.  My car is my baby, no, you can't drive it.
16.  I am messy.
17.  Marilyn Monroe put it best "I am selfish, impatient, insecure.  I make mistakes.  I am out of control and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at me best.

There you have it folks.  The list of my "hard to handle" traits.  I don't think it's too much to ask for someone to be willing to look passed these qualities.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Who I Am

Hello everyone!

I am a 26 year old single woman.  I still live with my parents.  Even though sometimes I despise both of those facts, ultimately those are both choices I have made.  I could have gotten married at 23, believe it out not someone actually proposed to me.  However, I knew I would be settling and that wasn't good enough for me.  There was actually another guy that wanted to marry me as well, again, I knew that would be settling.  And yes, I could move out of my parents house and rent an apartment or buy a house.  But, A. I would not like to live alone.  B.  I'd be over at my parents house all the time anyway.  C. If I'm not paying rent, I can buy shoes.
Apparently these facts make me an "outsider" or "weird' or "not right".  I don't really care.

Also, while I am add it, here's some other facts about me.

I like to buy shoes.  I like to buy lots of shoes.  When I'm feeling bad, I will buy shoes.  I will not buy shoes at Pay-Less.  I will not buy shoes at Target.  Don't shame me for buying shoes.
 I love music.  Mostly I love country music.
 I love musicals.  I love to listen to the soundtracks and pretending I'm in the play.
 I love to sing, but cannot carry a tune in a bucket.
I have read every Twilight book and I am excited about seeing the new movie Friday.  So, what if I'm a dork.
Hippos are my favorite animal, I don't care if they are not cute and cuddly.  Neither am I.  I will trample you like a hippo.
No, I'm not pissed off or sick all the time.  Most of time I'm not talking because I think you are stupid and I'm afraid if I open my mouth, I'll tell you that.
I have an XBOX 360, that I absolutely never play games on, I watch movies.  Yes I know that's one expensive DVD player.
I like to paint nails, but I also love to pick nail polish off.  It's a vicious cycle. 
I don't like to talk on the phone (refer to #7), just text me.
I will devour french fries, probably before you can say "hey can I have one of those"
I love my job, even though most days it wears me out.
I would rather Junie B. Jones or Fancy Nancy books than any adult book.
People Style Watch is my staple
I don't like Meatloaf (the food). I like Meat Loaf (the singer).
I am compassionate and give people to the benefit of the doubt too much.  I try to find the teeny ounce of good in people.  It's a blessing and a curse.

This is me.  Take me as I am or leave me.  I have spent 26 years turning into the person I am.  I kind of like me, most days.  But I don't really care if you do or not. 

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Things A Girl Just Don't Understand

I am a college educated woman.  Furthermore, I am almost completed with my Masters Degree.  However, there are some things I just don't understand.

For example, I don't understand why people think it's acceptable to wear pajamas in public.  Pajamas are made for the bedroom not Wal-Mart.

 I also don't understand why they put the hill in the loaf of bread.  Who eats that crap?

I don't understand why a round pizza comes in a square box.

I don't understand rap music, or why I have to press one for English.

I also don't understand who someone can change their feelings so quickly.  I don't get how you can go from "Hey I like you", to "I feel awkward" in less than an hour.  I don't understand why I'm not worth a little effort. 

Oh well, maybe it's a blessing in disguise.