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My Time

I know this is the time of year when everyone makes resolutions and wants to better themselves.  I try to steer away from such things.  Reason being, I tend to not keep them, so I find it better to just not make them.  However, if I am being honest, I don't like myself.  I am not looking for sympathy or comments about how great I am.  I am being honest.  I don't like what I see when I look in the mirror.   Most days I don't like what's on the inside either.  It is not something that I have just began to notice.  I've known it for a while.  However, I am ready to make changes.  I've said that before, I know, I know.  This time though, I want to actually stick with it.  I've done it before, I can do it again.  I hope.

It's scary to admit these things, but I feel like if I admit them I will be more apt to keep up with this journey.

First thing first, I want to lose weight.  I get tired of what I see every day.  Yes, I know I need to get healthy, but right now, personally I want to look good.  I want to buy cute clothes.  I want to turn heads, I want to be the one people look at. 

For far too long I have placed too much value on the way people, especially men, treat me.  I put too much worth into what they think and what they do.  I don't want to worry about that anymore.  I want to be the cool girl, the chill girl, the one that's not looking at her cell phone will it to go off.  I don't want to spend my days thinking about how long it's been since I've heard from someone. 

I spend too much money.  I buy things I don't need.  Over time I have realized I do this to feel a void, too make me feel better about myself.  I want to save some money and spend less.

So there it is.   The things I am going to do to better myself.  Lose weight (even if it's for vanity), feel better about myself, and spend less money.  Fingers crossed for a successful journey.

New Years Eve (hopefully my last "Fat" NYE)

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