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Why I Wanted To Lose Weight

I posted in January, when I decided to do this whole lifestyle change on why I did.  You can look at the here. 
But I feel like I need to explain myself better.

I have been overweight most of my life and I have not liked my body or myself for a very long time.  Being the fat girl I always felt like I had to try harder to fit in.  That was exhausting.  I felt since I couldn't be the skinniest or prettiest girl in the room I would be the funniest, loudest and have the best shoes.  I think because I was loud, funny, well dressed, bubbly, and talkative people assumed I was happy.  That was the complete opposite.

I have gone through phases where I have dieted and exercised since I was in high school.  During this time I may have lost 5-20 pounds but nothing ever changed.  I would still do what I want and eat what I want and if i missed the gym a couple of days in a row, who cared.

At the the beginning of this year I was at my lowest point in the self-esteem department.  When Lindsey asked me to go to the gym I decided to go with her, for whatever reason I don't really know.  After going two days with her, I joined the gym myself.  After joining the gym I started zumba again, I joined a running clinic and began eating correctly.  I have noticed that with each day, each accomplishment my self esteem started getting better.  I have lost 2 dress size and 31 pounds.

Weigh loss is more than just a physical journey, way more.  It is more mental than anything.  There are so many obstacles that you have to overcome, and most of those obstacles are in your mind.  There are days when I don't want to go the gym.  There are days when I don't do to anything.  There are days when I just want to set and eat some ice cream and French fries (actually that's most days).  But, I have to remember that anything worthwhile is not going to be easy.  I have to keep on, keeping on.   No matter how hard it is, no matter how much I don't want to give up, no matter how bad it hurts.

I am not losing weight, I'm getting rid of it--I don't want to find it again.  I am not losing weight, I am gaining confidence.  I am not losing weight I am becoming healthier.

Same outfit, 30 pounds difference.

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